Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
