Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
