there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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