I have demons in me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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