His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
