I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
