If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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