on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
