you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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