OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
