you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
