Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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