i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's always time for handjobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
