all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
