Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
