My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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