how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
