the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
