I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
