Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
