Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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