All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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