I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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