i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
