Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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