She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
