It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
