What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Couch. On fire.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
