Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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