I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
