Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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