I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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