his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
