I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is this like a preordered booty call?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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