we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
