hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
