i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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