FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
