I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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