when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
