just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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