I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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