one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
