i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
