I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
