Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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