the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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