please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
