Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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