i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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