The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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