I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
