This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
