Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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